Colyn Emery Writing Marketing Digital Media

I contribute to sites like The Hard Times, Funny or Die and Techopedia. I write about tech (which is short for "technology") and sometimes music, MMA and other things. I try to write self-deprecating comedy but suck at it. I have a BFA degree in Creative Writing from Chapman University (make fun of me all you want, I got a lot out of my undergrad and had some great professors).

 

I have written for various marketing campaigns and do a lot of copywriting. My niches include (but are not limited to) B2B software, XaaS and mobile applications.

 

Check out some of my work below and contact me about new projects.

2017

 

Michael Jackson’s Moonwalk Was FAKE

(ghostwritten for Truth Bang, March 2017)

 

DON’T LET THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA LIE TO YOU: The alleged “King of Pop”’s so-called “moonwalk” was filmed by HOLLYWOOD ELITES here on Earth, and I have the SCREENGRABS to prove it.

 

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2016

 

Santa’s Sleigh Violates No Fly Zone, Escalating War On Christmas

(The Hard Times article, December 2016)

 

WASHINGTON — A flying sleigh led by eight tiny reindeer confirmed to belong to Santa Claus was found in violation of United States no-fly zone restrictions in upstate New York today, according to Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Joseph Dunford.

 

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Steampunk Band Postpones Tour After Crashing Flight Apparatus

(The Hard Times article, September 2016)

 

MONROVIA, Calif. — London-based steampunk outfit The Buzzcogs canceled several concert dates after an accident outside of Los Angeles involving the band’s steam-powered flying apparatus this afternoon, according to various media reports.

 

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The Awakening of Ambient Intelligence

(Techopedia article, June 2016)

 

Ambient intelligence (also known as "ubiquitous computing") refers to electronic network technology that pervades physical environments to the extent that they become responsive and user interactive.

 

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Environmentalist Band Recycles Riffs

(The Hard Times article, February 2016)

 

OAKLAND, CA – Known for their strong stance on preventing ocean acidification, ending deforestation, and maximizing the biocapacity of regional ecosystems, ecologically friendly hardcore band Repurpose have announced that their new LP will be made using 100% recycled riffs.

 

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Innovation vs. the Patent Troll

(Techopedia article, September 2016)

 

Patent law must be re-examined from time to time in order to prevent fraudulent patents from hindering innovation.

 

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Common Video Compression Artifacts to Watch Out For

(Techopedia article, June 2016)

 

Video compression can sometimes result in visual abnormalities known as 'artifacts,' which can be avoided with properly set parameters in the encoding pipeline.

 

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2015

 

Meet One-Man D-Beat Band, “Disguy”

(The Hard Times article, October 2015)

 

ANAHEIM, Calif. – The D-beat genre — often characterized by its raw, stripped-down sound and signature drum beat — hasn’t always been the most inventive, but one bold man is trying to push its boundaries: meet Jim Rufus, sole member of the D-beat band Disguy.

 

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Acoustic Considerations for Your Listening Space

(Jukebox.io blog, July 2015)

 

Many different questions ought to factor into one’s strategy in designing any music listening environment. How big of a role should music play in the space? Should music be the focus (such as in a dance club or even a gym) or in the background (such as in a restaurant)? What is (or what will be) the shape of the room? Will it have four walls, a floor and a ceiling, or will it have a more complex configuration? From what equipment will the sound project, and how will that equipment be placed? And, most importantly, what is the budget for this endeavor?

 

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Telecom Tower Climbing - How Technology Is Changing the Future of America's Most Dangerous Job

(Techopedia article, December 2015)

 

Rapid expansion of the telecommunications industry helped cause dangerous working conditions for transmission tower climbers. New technology might patch up the issue of tower climber safety in the near future, but also distracts from the larger issue of lackadaisical workplace safety protocol in the U.S.

 

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Twilight of the Pixels - Shifting the Focus to Vector Graphics

(Techopedia article, December 2015)

 

Although an experimental vector video codec might foreshadow a revolution in video scalability and definition, the more immediate outcome will likely be a dramatic increase in encoding efficiency.

 

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